What comes to mind when you hear the phrase “Spring Vacation”?  Most people always think of the beaches of Florida, California, Mexico, or maybe some of the beautiful lakes of Arizona, or Nevada.  There are thousands of beautiful spots that can be named.  You also think of women in skimpy bikini’s, beer flowing as freely as water, and hi-jinx of all kinds being captured on video.  I’ve never had this type of spring break.  In fact, I’ve never had a spring break at all.

Well, last week was spring break from my school, and I took advantage of it!  Yep…I went to the beach!  Sadly though…there were no skimpy bikini’s to be found.  Sure there was beer, but not one wet t-shirt contest!  WHAT?  Hell has certainly frozen over, or I have missed something in the spring break travel guide for middle aged men, for I traveled to the lovely state of Maine!  No, I’m not being facetious.  Maine!  What a deceptive environment.  We flew into Maine on a Wednesday evening, and it was a bit chilled…somewhere in the mid fourties.  Thursday started off nice in the 60′s, but soon gave way to 40′s once again.  Friday was in the 30′s, and we came home on Saturday.

A.)  I thought for sure that Maine-ers would have seen that as perfect beach weather and there would be bikini’s abound…but NOOOOO!  No bikini or wet t-shirt contest to be found.

2.)  Well, the state is famous for its sea-side shops and entertainment, but come to find out…the state pretty much shuts down from October to late April BECAUSE IT TOO FREAKIN COLD!!!

3(iii.).)  The beautiful forestry of the state was still sleeping!  So no green trees outside of some scattered cedars.  No Bears were seen.  No Moose, porcupines, fox or beavers [;-)] either!

…sigh…

So here’s what did happen.  Thursday…the warmest day that we were there, we went searching for some lighthouses.  My wife’s step-father and his wife broke out the maps and selected a travel plan for us to see a few of the famous landmarks.  These are great people, but it’s obvious that directions are not their forte.  Even with a pilots GPS unit, we got lost. 

We started at Maine’s lowest point (I think) and got a little lost on the way.  By the time we found the beach, we still had to get directions to go the extra 3 miles to find the local lighthouse.  We found it!  It wasn’t the tall, imposing building that I thought it would be, but it was kind of cool.  We couldn’t go in it, as it was on a separate island.  Not a hundred yards away, but access was restricted to boats or cable cart that traveled across the waterway via cable…about 50 feet in the air.  Clearly, this was a private lighthouse.  So we snapped a couple of pictures, and went off to find the next one.

Traveling north, we went through some of the small towns that populate the coastline.  There are some fantastic homes there with some spectacular views of the ocean.  I lived in California for a long time, so an ocean view I can really appreciate.  I also love older styled architecture.  I think Victorian homes are gorgeous, and there really was no shortage of them here.

We stopped off at Kennebunk (the port of) and got a distant view of the Bush compound.  Eh.  We’ve passed better looking dwellings, in my opinion.  But the little shops and stuff at these port towns looked amazing.  I can only imagine what they would be like when they were actually open for the season.

So, the sun was starting to go down, and we had dinner reservations at this Brazilian restaurant, so we gave up our quest for lighthouses and headed up to Portland for dinner.  Portland looked like a great place to go looking around, but by the time we got there, it was dark and the weather had dampened up.  We found parking a block away from the restaurant and went in for drinks before dinner.  I ordered an Absolute/Grapefruit with a splash of cranberry juice, and found out that drink is called a Sea-breeze.  Who knew?  Here I thought I was going for a little something different.

Dinner was great!  If you haven’t been to a Brazilian restaurant, you are missing out.  Caution to our vegetarian friends though.  This place is designed for the carnivore, and I couldn’t have been happier!  I mean, these guys bring out skewers of various kinds of meat that they grill.  When they come to your table, they slice off of piece for you (as much as you like, really), and then they come back with something different! Ribs; Rib-eye, Tenderloin, chicken, pork…HEAVEN!!!!  We gotta get one of these in Lexington!

So on Friday, we weren’t sure what we would do.  Cold weather…nothing open of the touristy nature.  Hey…lets go to L.L.Bean and go shopping!  Now, I’m not a big shopper, but a short drive up to Freeport (I think that’s where it was), and I was in a L.L.Bean catalog!  I really like their stuff, so I was in heaven just tooling around and looking at the different stuff that I’ve only seen in catalogues.  I must go back whenever I have a shitload of expendable cash!

After shopping, we went someplace else and had a beer and some food, and shot a little pool  I suck at pool.  My cousin Paul would have a field day on me if he seen how badly I played.  Oh well.  It was still a pretty good time

Saturday was basically working on some computer stuff for my step-father in-law, and then traveling back to Kentucky.  Yes, I got back in time to hear the last 5 minutes of the Kentucky/West Virginia game on the radio.  Yeah…Kentucky lost.  Typically, I just don’t follow college sports, but for some reason we were listening, and we were upset at the loss.

So here’s the thing…my one and only spring break outing was met with no bikini’s, no hi-jinx, and no drunken stupor.  This tells me that I did it wrong, and God help the person who sold me the spring break fun in Maine tourist book, because their ass is mine!

Hendo